


SHIELD Recruit Survival Tip #228

by Mustang_Girl16



Series: Little Shit [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bunnies, F/M, Fluff, Gen, I litterally have no idea where this came from, I'm Going to Hell, Minor Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9339890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mustang_Girl16/pseuds/Mustang_Girl16
Summary: One word: Bunnies





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I woke up this morning and was thinking about Clint and how he has a farm and comic Clint seems be the type to bring home strays on a regular basis and that some how led to bunnies and Romanogers. I'm not kidding you I was sitting in church and then I thought what if they got lose in SHIELD!  
> And of course that made me want to laugh and then our pastor was like time to shake hands, and I was in the balcony and looked down to see a woman putting on gloves. I don't know about the rest of the world, but it's flu season in the States and it just made me laugh more.  
> I spent the rest of the service plotting this out instead of listening to the sermon. Yeah I'm going to Hell, but hey! I got a one shot done and an idea for a new series!
> 
> So here it is. You know those SHIELD Survival Tip things? Yeah, ok good. well when I got home I was on Pintrest and saw one on my feed and thought I wonder? and sure enough they had one! it doesn't match to a T, but I don't care. Also the characters are a little OOC, but this was to funny for me to care. At least I hope I'm not the only one who finds it funny.  
> DISCLAIMER: Obviously if it's Marvel it ain't mine. I also don't have a beta so any mistakes are mine. The recruitment tips are not mine, I just decided to elaborate on them and use them to form cannon. I made no money. I think I covered it.  
> Seriously is it possible to make a few disclaimers based on the main ones that just automatically pop up and you click to acknowledge it?

Survival Tip #228 states:

“SHIELD does not authorize egg hunts on premises. Nor the distribution of live bunnies or ducklings. Chocolate is fine, though.”

 

“As you already know from the academy, SHIELD has a very specific set of rules that are to be followed and never challenged. You each should have received your copies at graduation along with a basic guideline of Agent Conducts and maps of the main facilities here at the Triskelion.”

Maria Hill turned around to face the new recruits as she finished her orientation speech.

“Any questions, comments, or concerns?” she hated asking this question because there was always somebody who just had to ask a stupid question. That’s what the Survival book was for, but it still somehow required further explanation.

Sure enough a guy in the back raised his hand.

“Yes?” the guy stood up, the handbook in his hands.

“I understand SHIELD has excellent reasons as to why they have some of these rules, but may I ask what’s with #228?” Maria paused trying to remember which one he was referring to. He offered her the hand book and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“For once one of the funny stories. Most ask what would happen if they hit on Romanoff or if I have bodies under my floor boards.” The recruits looked a little skeptical at that.

“So I get the egg hunt since, well it is a professional organization, but why the part about the bunnies and ducklings?”

“Ok I’ll tell you, but if it ever reaches Romanoff’s ears I told you, you’re on your own.” They all seemed to think it through, but decided it was worth the risk.

“Ok this has nothing to do with ducklings, that’s a different story entirely. Both though have to do with a certain arrow obsessed agent…”

 

Clint stuck his head out of the Quin-jet’s ramp checking to make sure the cost was clear. He quickly excited the jet heading straight inside before anyone could see him or the contents of the box he was carrying. He headed down to his office, but stopped and went to Natasha’s instead. She and Steve weren’t due back for a few days, giving Clint enough time to figure out a plan of action.

He set the box he had been carrying down on her desk and peeked inside. Sure enough all the little baby bunnies had survived the long trip back. Clint did a quick head count before closing the box and going to his own office. Natasha didn’t like him leaving things in her office like that, but they would be on their way to a new home by then, so a few hours in a place no one would dare look would be ok.

Except he didn’t take into account the time change. He also didn’t anticipate people dropping files off in her office and leaving the door open.

After returning and debriefing Clint was told he needed to go up to New York for a few hours, something about his mission. He decided the bunnies would be fine, since it was only a few hours. If he was going to be later, he knew Donny would take care of them. He also probably should have gotten a small dog crate or cat carrier instead of a flimsy box that a bunch of baby bunnies could tip over and get out of…Opps?

Steve and Natasha arrived back just as Clint left the building. After debriefing, they headed to Natasha’s office to get some paper work done. They set their stuff down and immediately Natasha’s eyes were drawn to the box laying on the floor, while Steve’s were drawn to the couch.

“Gotta say, I didn’t peg you for the stuffed animal type.” Natasha was knelt down of the floor about to inspect the box, but stopped at his words.

“I’m not.” Steve furrowed his eyebrows at her and pointed to the couch.

“Then why is there a stuffed baby bunny.” Steve went to pick up the ‘stuffed’ bunny only for it to hop out of his reach. He moved back nearly tripping over the coffee table and another baby bunny. “Nat, why do you have live baby bunnies in your office?”

Natasha’s eyes widened as she watched the two bunnies. Then realization dawned.

“Barton!” she grabbed her phone and dialed the archer. After the second ring he answered.

“Hey Nat! What’s up?”

“What’s up? Did you leave a box of bunnies in my office?” she snapped. She could almost see the look of horror on his face.

“You weren’t supposed to be back for another two days!” Natasha groaned.

“Time change you dumb ass! Get these things out of my office NOW.” Clint gulped.

“I would, really, but I got called out to New York. I’ll be back tonight, unless you could take them to the shelter for me?” his voice heightened towards the end, telling her he was terrified. _Good he should be_.

“Where did you even get them?” there was a long pause before Clint finally answered.

“I found them in the facility we raided in China. They were going to use them for their evil experiments! And SHIELD was just going to leave them to be put down, I couldn’t let that happen so I…”

“So you brought them home.” Natasha rolled her eyes and looked over at Steve who had successfully managed to capture the two bunnies and was now cradling them to his chest. _Bunch of saps_. “Fine. I’ll take them down to the shelter.”

She could hear the joy in his voice as he cheered.

“Great! Thank you, but you’re probably going to have to take them to different shelters. Most normally can’t take that many at one time-” Natasha cut him off.

“What are you talking about there’s only two?” she heard Clint fall off of something and scramble for the phone. Natasha looked back at the fairly large box on the floor.

“Barton, exactly how many bunnies did you bring back?” she tried her best not to sound mad, but she who was she trying to kid.

“…Fifteen.”

“Fifteen!” Natasha picked up the box and found no bunnies.

“Barton my door was open, the box was on the floor why the hell did you leave them in here!”

“I thought it would be the best place! I didn’t think there was anybody brazen enough to venture into your office.” Natasha groaned at her best friend’s ignorance.

“You better get your ass back here or so help me I’ll-” Suddenly there was a scream from down the hall and she and Steve ran out to see what was going on.

“What’s going on?” Natasha asked one of the passing interns.

“Oh it’s nothing. Marge thought she saw a rat or really fluffy mouse and got scared.” The intern rolled his eyes and left.

Natasha looked back at Steve who still had the bunnies in his hands. She pushed him back inside her office and closed the door.

“Ok. So we now have thirteen baby bunnies on the loose.” Steve’s eyes widened at that.

“Uhhh, that’s not good.” Natasha nodded and picked the box up. “We need to find the rest of those bunnies before Marge has a heart attack.

“Or Fury finds out. Wait there’s another one.” Natasha pointed to the book shelf behind her desk and looked to Steve tilting her head for him to go get it.

“Your closer.” He quirked an eyebrow at her and noticed she looked a little uncomfortable. “Nat, do you not like bunnies?”

“No!” she said defensively. Steve got a huge smile on his face. The Black Widow was scared of little bunnies.

“Oh come on! There cute, look.” Steve brought one of them closer and she backed away.

“Keep that filthy thing away from me Rogers!” He laughed at the sheer silliness of the situation.

“They’re not going to kill you and I’m not catching them by myself! Here just hold it.” Steve brought it closer to her, but she just couldn’t help it. She couldn’t tell you why, but they just freaked her out.

“No!” Steve looked stubbornly at her and grabbed her hand, quickly placing the bunny in it before she could react. She scrunched her face at the furry creature but calmed down slightly after a few seconds.

“See it’s cute and fluffy and has no diabolical plans whatsoever.” He probably shouldn’t have said that, because apparently it did have other plans.

Natasha brought it closer, finally relaxed enough to hold it comfortably, but then it moved. They were quick little buggers and instead of going for the floor where she thought it would, it headed down the front of her shirt…

Steve froze as he watched a mix of emotions flash across the spy’s face. He had never seen her express this much and the ones she was expressing made him laugh. He knew he shouldn’t because of the sheer fact she now had a bunny resting in her cleavage, but…

“Rogers! Stop laughing and get it out!” he tried to catch his breath as he watched her panic slightly. “Get it out!”

He stopped laughing when he realized she really wasn’t going to get it out herself.

“Nat, I’m not sticking my hand-” he was trying his best not to turn red from hearing what she wanted him to do.

“I don’t care about your good boy morals! Get. It. Out!” she looked disgusted about the bunny who had now stuck its head out. She pouted like a child as it looked up at her and went back in its new bed. “Rogers!”

Steve sighed and prayed he didn’t make a fool of himself. “Fine, little miss scaredy pants.”

She glared at him as he scrunched his face.

“You don’t have to look so disgusted about sticking your hand down my shirt, you know.” Steve glared back at her and shook his head. She let out a little squeal as the bunny moved down.

God he was going to regret this he could feel it. He reached under her tank top for the bunny, but it tried to scurry back up. He grabbed what he thought was the bunny, but from her gasp from Natasha he knew that was not the bunny.

“It’s caught in my shirt!”

“How the hell-?!”

“It’s caught in my shirt damn it! Just get it-”

“-Out I know!”

Steve reached up with his other hand trying to un-bunch the fabric and catch with his other and successfully grab the bunny. Steve’s flusteredness with the whole situation caused Natasha to lose her patients enough to try and help shake the bunny lose. Just as Steve grabbed the bunny the door flung open reveling Fury. Steve and Natasha froze and looked up at Fury. His eye was wide as he looked at them. Steve quickly recoiled hiding the bunny behind his back and rubbing the back of his neck as Natasha fixed her shirt and looked anywhere but Fury.

The silence lasted a few more moments as Fury opened and closed his mouth several times before turning around and walking out, closing the door behind him. Steve pulled the bunny out from behind his back and placed it in the box with the other three.

“Ok. So maybe it did have ulterior motives.” Steve ran a hand through his hair as he turned bright red. Natasha suddenly burst into laughter and it was hard not to do so himself.

“Oh, I have done something's that have shocked that man, but never that much.” She placed her hands over her mouth to keep her laughter down.

“Yeah that’s going to be a hard one to explain.” Steve chuckled nervously.

“Relax. Let’s just find the rest of those bunnies before Fury does. We can explain it to him then.” Natasha picked up the box and walked over to the small bathroom where they really wouldn’t get out.

“They couldn’t have gone far. I mean their small, but there’s also seventeen of them.” Natasha shrugged. Hopefully he was right about this time.

They excited the office and split up, Steve taking the west side, Natasha taking the east.

Within three hours they managed to collect fourteen out of the fifteen bunnies. Most were easy to find, while a few managed to get themselves stuck in some pretty strange places. Natasha found one in a desk drawer, another in a guy’s hoody, and one running off with Mel’s toupee. As for Steve his were fairly easy, lucky bastard found one in the coffee pot, another on top of the break room fridge and the last one sticking out of some girls purse. Natasha wished she could’ve been there to see that one.

Steve and Natasha collapsed on her couch. She was going to kill Barton when he got back. Those little buggers just gave them a run for their money and they still needed to find one more.

“Maybe we could just lie and tell him somebody asked to keep one.” Steve mused out load as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Did I just hear you right?” Natasha turned her head and chuckled at his suggestion. “Sadly I don’t think lying to him will work. He gets attached, doesn’t like not getting to say goodbye and not doing background checks.”

Steve let his head fall to the side so he could arch an eyebrow at her. Then he suddenly went wide eyed as he lunged behind her, pinning her to the couch. She let out a little surprised squeak and looked up to meet his eyes that were mere inches from hers. He brought his hand over showing her the last bunny.

“Got him.” He smiled sheepishly as she started laughing again.

“Seriously? We spent an extra hour looking for it and it was in here the entire time?” Steve joined her laughing fest. This was a day they were sure never to forget. But sadly today was just not their day, as the door flung open again.

Steve and Natasha looked up to see a shocked Maria Hill holding a stack of files in her hands.

“Huh. I thought Fury was joking. Hm. Have these filled out by 2200 tomorrow.” Steve didn’t even try to protest as she walked out the door. Steve let Natasha up as he walked over to the bathroom and put the bunny with the others.

“Were never going to live this down are we?” he asked her as he sat back down.

“Considering these are for our change in relationship status, no I don’t think so.” Just then Fury’s voice came over the intercom came on requesting their presence in his office.

“Nope. Definitely not.” Natasha shook her head. This day was definitely going down in the books.

 

“Look, while I get SHIELD doesn’t have anything against interoffice romance-” Natasha went to interject, but Fury cut her off. She honestly thought the first thing he would reprimand them about was the bunnies. “But we do have rules about fraternizing while on the job. Flirt, make googley eyes at each other I don’t care. Just keep your bedroom activities in the bedroom.”

“Sir we weren’t-it’s not like-Nat?” Steve glanced over to Natasha, praying she might be able to explain this better than him.

“It was the bunnies. See Barton brought home the bunnies they found while on a raid and left them in my office and they got out…”

“Bunnies? I don’t see how this has to do with any-what do you mean got out?” Fury narrowed his eye at them.

“They escaped and we just spent the last three some odd hours hunting them down.” Steve looked Fury dead in the eye hoping he would understand.

“You let bunnies lose in the building?”

“No! Barton left them in my office and asked me to take them to the shelter, because his stupid ass got sent to New York! Then one, got stuck down my shirt and you know I hate small and furry rodents so Steve was helping get it out.” Fury pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I get it. You don’t like getting caught. You take pride in your secret’s, but bunnies? That’s what you came up with?” he leaned his elbows against the desk as he sighed.

“Were not making this up sir. I get you and Agent Hill caught us in some compromising positions but it was because of the bunnies.”

“Their diabolical.”

“Evil covered in cuteness.” Fury looked over at Maria who just shrugged.

“Ok, I think we’ve heard enough. Like I said, we aren’t against co-workers dating, but if you are caught again doing things you shouldn’t here, I will suspend your asses. Go home. I don’t need any more images burned in my mind.”

Steve and Natasha left Fury’s office and picked up the bunnies.

“Stupid bunnies. How is it he didn’t catch the bunnies, but he caught everything else! World class spy my ass.” Natasha grumbled as they headed down to her car. She placed the bunnies in the backseat and turned to see Steve’s ‘I’m a little shit’ smirk. She raised an eyebrow, she always loved when he got like this.

“You know, I think I know the perfect home for these evil little things.” Natasha grinned, liking where he was going with this.

 

A few hours later they were sitting in Steve’s apartment eating take out when Clint walked in.

“Of course Clint, you can come right in.” Steve said sarcastically. Clint ignored him as he grabbed a slice of pizza and plopped down on the couch, stretching his legs across Natasha’s.

“So…heard you two were getting pretty cozy today and almost suspended. Well done!” Clint wiggled his eyebrows at them. Natasha shoved his feet off of her lap.

“We have your stupid little rodents to thank for that.” Natasha hissed.

Steve went on to elaborate all that had happened while Clint was gone. He nearly fell off the couch he was laughing so hard.

“Yeah keep on laughing.”

“I wouldn’t buy your story either, if I didn’t know about the bunnies to begin with. Speaking of the bunnies, what did you do with them?” Natasha and Steve shared sly smirk.

“Oh don’t worry, we found a great home for them.” Steve said as he grinned behind his bottle of beer.

 

Fury walked up the three flights of stairs to his apartment and sifted through his keys till he found the right one, but before he could go inside one of his neighbors, an older woman named Beatrice stopped him.

“Nick, your home, good. I just wanted to let you know Natasha and a tall blonde stopped by earlier. Said they needed to drop something off for you. Anyway, just thought you might want to know.”

Fury carefully opened the door before cursing and opening it all the way.

“Oh hell no…Rogers, Romanoff!”

 

“Fury was finding Bunnies for three days.” Maria said as she finished up the story.

“But wait, what about you? Did they get you back?” They all waited as Maria contemplated answering.

“I like animals, so they knew it wouldn’t affect me. I got an IOU instead…”

“One that I had forgotten about to.” Everyone froze and turned to see the Black Widow and Captain America standing in the door way.

“Hey, didn’t Barton just bring back some snakes from his mission?” Steve said with a shit eating grin.

“You know what I think he did?” Natasha agreed.

“Be a real shame if someone accidently let them out.” Steve said that right at Maria. Little shits.

“It sure would. Better hope he didn’t use a flimsy box this time.”

“Oh well. Nice seeing you.” They nodded at Maria before walking off down the hall. Maria gulped and focused back on the recruits

“Alright I think that covers everything. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go check my office.”


End file.
